Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
