dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
