no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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