You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
