I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
