I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize