Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
