As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
