I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
