I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
