I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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