So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
