I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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