"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
