I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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