If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
