God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
