your thong is hanging out like whoa
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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