she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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