I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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