Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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