Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
