there was a trapeze. enough said
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
