kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
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she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
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how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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