if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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