Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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