Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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