We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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