i don't like sucking hair
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I deserve this hangover.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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