I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
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Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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