I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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