Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
