We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
