Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
