U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
