I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
