I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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