pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
