i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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