I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
