Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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