Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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