I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
