please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
