the condom got lost in my hair
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
