I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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