Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
