I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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