Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
