He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
