So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
