rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you didnt know i had herpes?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
