Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
