Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
