marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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