Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
