How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Boobs are out for the taking
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
