i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
