I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
