He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
